Ideas Toward Improving Your Marriage

I was watching an episode from Seinfeld the other day where Jerry was breaking up with his girlfriend and Elaine was breaking up with her boyfriend. Over the course of several episodes, they have dropped more relationships over the most ridiculous things. Something inside of me wants to shout back at them….get over the little things and realize there will be times you will annoy each other. You are not going to find someone that meets your perfect wish list. Today I was pondering on the familiar passage about love found in 1 Cor. 13: 4-8. “4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.” It’s to bad that Jerry and Elaine doesn’t know more about what true love is. Actually, in reality it’s even with greater sadness that most Christians are like Jerry and Elaine not knowing how to apply commitment and love in their marriage relationship. 

My wife and I will soon be celebrating our 34^th year of marriage together. We have both grown over the years but I can honestly say we have certainly had our shares of ups and downs as well as serious issues we had to work through. The loss of our business through bankruptcy, family ties that ended up in broken relationships, death of our second born child, moves to new communities, new churches, new jobs…. all of these were monumental for us…some were times of testing of how strong we were committed to one another. Even the births of our children, as wonderful as that was, it was not what held us together. I realize that it wasn’t the monumental moments in life that kept us together and kept our marriage strong.  It was our commitment to God, and God’s grace to us. It was a commitment to each other and a choice to love unconditionally.  Somehow in God’s sovereignty and for His Glory, because of our willingness to stay together, He made one glorious life out of two sinful, selfish people, the two I’s become a “we.” In the process “we” learned it takes a lot of hard work and determination toward overcoming the ridiculous things that come up.  The reward is so well worth it.

Putting what we’ve learned into writing here’s some terrific ideas on improving your relationship. Please feel free to comment on what has helped your marriage or advice to the ones who are about to get married.

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1. Believe that you have married the most amazing, adorable, incredible, person in the world…. even when they don’t act like that person.
2. Be proud of their accomplishments and supportive of their interests.
3. The strongest love comes from a source, Christ. Make Christ the center piece of your marriage. 1 John 4:19  We love because Christ loved us.
4. Marriage is not based on feelings. Love is a choice. Always choose to love your spouse and the feelings will follow.
5. Respect and trust each other.
6. Be best of friends take pleasure in the things that make your partner joyful.
7. Laugh a lot, have fun together and be playful.
8. Be grateful, thankful communicating this before your spouse and God.
9. Dwell on the positive experiences between you and your spouse. Never dwell on the negative experiences.
10. Marriage is unity between real authentic forgivers. Forgive quickly.
11. Never criticize your spouse, apply unconditional love toward the bazillion mistakes you both will make.
12. Compliment your spouse in front of others.
13. Never yell at your spouse except when there is a fire.
14. Never bring up the forgiven past of hurtful experiences. Never use it against them.
15. Don’t expect your spouse to meet your needs that’s God’s job.
16. Pray for each other on a daily basis.
17. Make big decisions together and dream together.
18. Remember the three C’s: Communication, compromise and be committed.
19. You win at marriage by losing your need to get your way.
20. Serve the Lord, and commit your lives to Him.
21. Even though you and your spouse may view money differently, work together.
22. Keep financial debt at a minimum.
23. Never stop flirting.
24. Surprise your spouse with a gift, or love note on special occasions and no occasions.
25. Take time to listen and respond to each other.
26. Educate yourselves by reading God’s word, books on marriage and attending marriage seminars.
27. Know the love languages of your spouse. Affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.
28. Be patient, kind and slow to anger.
29. Understand most serious issues can fall into four categories; dysfunctional past experiences, sin, misunderstandings and forgetfulness,
30. When we think we are right about something, it’s not a competition that the winner gets the prize. Recognize you are both individuals that process differently. Communicate your feelings and let it go.
31. If marriage is being difficult, ask for help. Wise counsel from a Christian counselor brings insight and results.
32. Before you get married make a wise investment toward seeking premarital counsel from a Christian counselor. Marriage amplifies baggage. It’s like bringing a large moving truck to haul their stuff dumping it into your life. A skilled counselor can keep it from becoming overwhelming by helping you to understand the process of removing baggage stuff.
33. Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ and submit to him. Husband provide leadership to your wife and go all out in your love for her. Eph 5:22-25
34. Print this out, put this somewhere to be seen and read often.